Ok this is getting ridiculous, damn frost got to the garden again. Its like mother nature has it in for me. I came home from 4th of July weekend and triumphantly walked into the back yard to see my glorious garden. Unfortunately we had a frost while I was away and it, once again, wrecked a bunch of my plants. I was crushed. I cursed. I screamed. I even threw some shit. For a minute, things were looking really bleak, I even contemplated giving up. Some dark times.
I just couldnt, quit. So I did what I do best, dust myself off. I went down to Salt Lake and bought a whole bunch of new plants. I figured that with the better climate down there, the plants at the store would be bigger, stronger, and healthier then what they have up here in the frost filled mountains. Plus the tomato plants in Robin's garden (which is in Salt Lake) look like Jack's Beanstalk. So Friday after work, I headed over to the Lowes by my office to check out their garden section. I was blown away, I mean really floored. The plants were amazing!! It was like I had gone to some sort of nursery nirvana.
I ended up buying a few tomato plants, some more peppers and a cucumber plant to replace the ones that were lost to the frost (yes the frost again). It makes me so mad to just say that word...F..R..O...S...T. But I wont give up!! I want to grow tomatoes in Park City so bad that it hurts. I lay in bed at night and dream of pushing my vegetable cart up historic Main Street, tomatoes the size of softballs, peppers the size of pumpkins (I think you get the point). With a resounding warmth in my heart I planted the new plants. I looked down at my garden but instead of feeling happiness, I instead still felt dread. What was going on you ask? All the new plants made me do is to realize how really shitty my existing plants were. It was like driving a Rolls Royce through downtown Faluja. Wreckage everywhere, hopelessness, the burned out shell of what once was.
So I did what any garden lunatic would do, and I went BACK down to Salt Lake and replaced a bunch more plants. I dismantled my Pepper Medley in box 14 and created a NEWER Pepper Medley (ha ha ha...try and stop me). I got something called a Giant Marconi, seriously thats the name Giant Marconi. I got 2 cause I laughed so hard. I also put in the second cucumber plant. I had to, I hadn't seen anything so badly frost bitten since Dr. Beck Weathers came off of Everest.
At least not everything went bad, It appears that my seeds have finally sprouted. Its like they knew to wait for the frost to be over. All this time I thought the birds were eating my seeds. Well I guess I was wrong, because I am seeing sprouts coming up in the carrots box, some in the lettuce, and I think my sole spinach plant may finally get some friends. Even the green onions are sprouting up. I guess I had sowed the original ones a bit too deep. Kind of like shipping a birthday card in a suitcase. Unfortunately (or fortunately) in the meantime I had built a scarecrow out of PVC, some old clothes and oddly enough a spider man mask. Damn thing scares me, every time I come around that corner off the deck and I see it I freaking jump. Hey it would scare you too, with its low hanging shorts and spidey mask. Looksl ike some sort of hoodlum back there. And its not just me, both Harold and Bruce told me that the spidey crow (patent pending) keeps scaring them too. Doesnt seem to bother the birds though, as I have cleared 2 nests so far.
So what are the birds doing in my garden? I have put some serious detective work in on this one and have come up with a doozey of a theory. I mean even I am having a hard time with it, but it all checks out. There appears to be a large selection of worms in my garden. I found this out this weekend while I was putting the new plants in. As you all know, birds are notorious worm eaters. Think of the cartoons. I know what you are saying: "Hamertek aren't fish also big worm eaters?". Yes they are, but unless they are coming in underneath my garden, there is no way for them to get in and out without leaving at least a few fin marks . Anyway I think that the birds are coming for the worms. So whats the big deal? Well, since the birds have come, I also have not been picking any strawberries out of the garden. Now ordinarily slow strawberry production would not be cause for alarm, but upon inspection it looks as though my strawberries are in fact being STOLEN!! There are no little berries growing anywhere. There used to be some but now there are none. Where did they go? Also some of their little branches have been bitten off (filthy flying creatures). I smell foul play. I think that they come in the front door for a worm and out the back for one of my damn strawberries. Think about it, if you were eating worms wouldn't you want a nice yummy strawberry for desert. I mean its not like a bird can get its beak on some colgate and trust me worms taste nasty (won a $5 bet in 1993 thank you). So after some exhaustive research (nearly 3 google searches) I decided to hang some old CDs around the garden. Seriously the internet sucks. They are supposed to scare off the birds. Something about prisms of light everywhere and random movement (Damnit Jim, I am a gardner not a scientist). Who knows we will see, but if I see those birds using my garden as a discotheque I am going out there with my AR-15.
Well its been a rough couple of weeks, but I feel a bit better about things. I have a ton of new plants, my seeds are growing nice, and I now have a 2 pronged bird defense going. What could be better. I know that the last time I gave myself a C+, I think that this time I will give myself a solid B. I have pulled a few pieces of lettuce and spinach and most of my radishes have been harvested.
